My Version of Equality.

Stikfas Yoga: Beta female practices the Cobra Pose

Stikfas Yoga: Beta female practices the Cobra Pose (Photo credit: the other Martin Taylor)

I’m a bit embarrassed and a little ashamed. You see, I quite enjoy being the Beta Female to an Alpha Male at home. There, I said it. Now before we all go off the rails about how it should be all equal and everything. I am not subjugated by my dearest or belittled or oppressed. I’m also completely sober and deadly serious about this.

Let me explain. I have a professional job which involves a plethora of strong actions and key decisions. I juggle, I strive and I bring home some reasonable bacon in my work-life and when I get home. I want exactly the opposite. Because having it all, simply means doing it all – if you let it.

There’s something comforting about letting someone else take the reins and give you the space to NOT decide  and make decisions  for a bit. This is my version of equality and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Now, I am not saying that my husband makes every decision but we came to an agreement a few years ago that he didn’t need to ask my opinion on absolutely everything.

It’s tiring when one partner becomes so passive that you end up thinking for them because it’s easier than constant discussion.

What do you want to eat this week?

Where shall we go this weekend?

What would you like?

What do you want?

Whilst it’s nice to be consulted about major life decisions, I don’t want to asked all the time. This for me is perfect equality. I trust him to make decisions for me because I know he always has “OUR” best interests at heart.

What does equality mean for you?

5 thoughts on “My Version of Equality.

  1. I have a very similar relationship with my partner. It has nothing to do with equality or the lack of it, it’s a division of labor based on our personality types. I’m a detail person, I’m good at getting things done. She’s a big picture person, she’s good at figuring out what needs to get done.

    She makes the majority of the decisions, because she’s happy doing that, and I do what she says because I trust her and it’s easy for both of us to do it that way. It’s pretty much that simple.

    I don’t listen to people who say that I should be in charge because I’m a man, and I think you shouldn’t listen to people who say you shouldn’t let your husband be in charge because you’re a woman. It has nothing to with gender, it has to do with people working together in a style that suits the individuals involved.

    Sure, there are couples that argue and debate every issue and it works for them… somehow. But having a clear leader makes things go a lot smoother, in running a business or running a household. It’s doesn’t mean that the leader is somehow better, or smarter, or more dominant, it just means that things the leader has taken on the job of making decisions for the household.

    • Hi MB, Thanks for the comment, which really resonates with me. I completely agree with every word above. I find that we do things this way because it works for us. A democracy where there’s two of you leads to a hung vote. I find it difficult to articulate to “outsiders” friends and family why this works but it does. At work I am the antithesis of how I am at home. 🙂

  2. While I’m in a straight relationship (marriage) we don’t really stick to any sort of stereotypical gender roles, never have and I doubt we ever will. He and I don’t spend as much time together as most couples do as we are both basically loners and I think that’s one of the main factors that’s held our marriage together. Also we both cook, on alternate nights, unless one of us is ill then the other takes over. Our tastes aren’t all the same, either and we respect that we’re individuals in all things.

    • I think that sounds like the basis for standing the test of time. I’m a loner, hubby is the exact opposite, I could quite happily spend a year in solitary as long as I had writing implements. He goes crazy after a day working from home. Go figure. 🙂 Thanks for commenting Val,

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