10 THINGS MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT MY THIRTIES

Twins

Twins (Photo credit: kevin dooley)

Now that I am edging towards the second half of my thirties, there are a few things that my mother definitely never covered in our mother daughter chats. Although I am not sure I would have believed her even if she’d told me…

  1. You will look in the mirror one day and not recognise yourself. This will happen overnight and you’re certain that you didn’t look like this yesterday.
  2. You don’t know what’s at number one and have never heard of half the songs in the download chart. Music also sounds louder at lower volumes even though you know you used to play songs at a level eight – the six is now quite loud enough thank you.
  3. You will get hangovers even if you used to come home in the early hours and arise fresh and rested after two hours sleep. You lost three days in recovery time the last time you got drunk.
  4. You will be able to keep more than one bottle of vino in the house without drinking it. In fact you have a rack that has wine in it!
  5. You will enjoy staying in more than dressing up.
  6. You are inexplicably attracted to the colour beige when clothes shopping and have a bit of a moment, consequently bursting into tears and needing a stiff drink to sort you out.
  7. You will walk into rooms and forget what you went in for. You will then stand for about ten minutes before checking the internet to see what the early signs of Alzheimer’s are.
  8. Hair starts to grow in unusual places even if you are a woman, it’s just that nobody talks about it.
  9. You will start to wear flat shoes even if previously you haven’t been seen in anything less than four inches. Ballet shoes become your new go-to.
  10. The garden starts to become interesting and you find yourself at the weekend going to the garden centre and spending an extraordinary amount of time looking at plants.

So what have you noticed that you think should be in the life manual?

Comments, as always, welcome.

16 thoughts on “10 THINGS MY MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT MY THIRTIES

  1. Oh yes, all of those.
    Food becomes interesting, not something you think of 5 minutes before you starve to death.
    Suddenly, getting up off the floor is more difficult than it was yesterday.

    • It gets worse? Oh please kill me now! Just kidding – On the positive side, I am the happiest I have ever been. So aging does have some benefits. Perhaps I’ve grown into this good old skin of mine?

  2. I thought it was just me….! Thanks for a good laugh. Putting tights on while standing also seems to become a challenge. And you spend more time thinking about food and ways to prepare it.

  3. Well, from my 40’s I’ll tell you that if you drop something, you weigh its value to the situation at hand before “going in” to pick it up. Umm…in your thirties you sense the “Division Bell”–that which separates you from the new Gen–but in your 40’s this doesn’t bother you, and you are righteous. Rap IS crap music…kids DO text too much…that sort of thing. Best thing, though, you know exactly what you will–and will not–put up with in your day to day. Great write, Sarah! Thought-provoking (obviously) funny as all get out, and spot on, besides. 🙂

  4. I’m 37, so I’m not edging toward the middle of the decade, I’m edging toward 40. Ugh. But I’ll break this down:
    1) I still recognize myself, but I do wonder at those grey hairs on my temples. However, being male I can claim these as “distinguished.” Unfair, I know.
    2) Strangely I listen to Top 40 radio now more than I think I ever have. It must be from teaching those middle schoolers. But ’tis true I don’t crank it to 11 anymore.
    3) True that. I’ve got to stop drinking on school nights!
    4) No wine rack here, but I won’t drink a yellow beer…
    5) Yeah– the sad part is that was almost just at true at 27 as it is at 37.
    6) Ha, I stay away from beige, outside of khaki pants 😉
    7) All. The. Time.
    8) I have “hobbit hairs” growing from my ears… not inside my ears, from the outside curve part. Yeah.
    9) Though I am sure I could rock drag, high heels have never been my thing. But my calves are already good. ;D
    10) I worked at a garden center once upon a time. If I hadn’t been in my early 20s at the time, it would have been a great place to pick up middle-aged women!

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