THE BED WARS

Before you start thinking that this will be smutty, please look up, we are not descending here at IWTWI to the gutter. We do slovenly writing, incomplete sentences and spelling mistakes. What we don’t do is sex. Whilst I am all for well-written erotica that doesn’t involve mentions of inner goddesses, that is not the purpose of this blog. However, if you would like to read some really good stuff, written, shock horror by a man! Head over to “The Reclining Gentleman”  and check out the adult section.

So what am I referring to with the above headline? Well, it’s come to my attention that my and Mr IWTWI bedtime habits (sleep time, not sauce-time) are perhaps a bit odd.

The evidence:-

1. Two sets of bed-linen.

We have two duvet (bed-linen sets) on the bed. It may shock you to learn that Mr IWTWI is a duvet/covers hogger of the grandest scale. He has been known to swipe Super King Size duvet off poor Mrs IWTWI in the middle of night with no provocation. If we lived in the Maldives (one day when my ship rolls in) this would not be as much of an issue.

Unfortunately this happens anywhere that there is a single piece of fabric on the bed. Amazing hotel stays turn into constant battles where I try to roll Mr IWTWI off the covers as not only does he steal them, he also has the audacity to lay on top of the damn things.

Therefore, we took the decision, so that I could get some sleep –  to go dual on the bed covers. We always have the same design on both, so that it matches.

2. Laying the other way up. (Top and Tailing)

We have a sleigh bed and are able to lay the other way up with the pillows still fully supported at the other end. There are a couple of reasons this occurs.

Reason one – Done as a pair, (if you have a bed that supports it, give it a go) we pretend we are on holiday! We can’t afford an overseas holiday this year so moving to the other end accompanied with “where are we tonight?” seems like a nice alternative. We happily talk each other to sleep about where we are in the world… Hey, your imagination is the one thing in life that is free. Best to get some use out of it.

Reason Two, is slightly more sinister. Mr IWTWI is afflicted with “Thumper” syndrome (restless legs). This means that I get to feel like I am in the percussion section of the London Philharmonic Orchestra on some nights. Boom, tap, boom at roughly 45 second intervals – at least there’s a beat to it. However, If I switch ends I can gently reach out and grab the offending foot disturbing Mr IWTWI just enough to stop him for hopefully long enough to get to sleep.

Once asleep, Armageddon could be happening and I wouldn’t wake up, unless I am cold and we’ve solved that problem.

I was going to mention the snoring but as Mr IWTWI has informed me (which I unreservedly deny) that I have a bit of a rumble myself some nights, I’ll leave that one be.

P.S We only take holidays at weekends.

Comments are errr… Welcome?

12 thoughts on “THE BED WARS

  1. I love the two duvets idea, it makes absolute sense! Not sure about topping and tailing though. Would i rather wake in the night to my lover’s peaceful sleeping face, or to being kicking in the chin? Nor too tough a call.:)

    Oh, and wow, thank you SO much for the compliment. And the plug too! I am incredibly flattered!

    • Not a problem on the plug, you do have a bit of a talent for that sort of thing -blushes, shuffles feet. As for the top and tailing, because I can see the feet coming if “thumper” is on the rampage, it works. Plus, he is one of the few men I know whose feet a. don’t smell and b. don’t look like an extras from LOTR. Although I am usually armed with a pillow barricade if it’s a particularly bass heavy night.

      • Haha! Love your LOTR feet comment. And thumper! and your last sentence had me actually laughing out loud. or ALOLing as my friend says. to distinguish from when people saying LOLing when half the time they arent

  2. “We can’t afford an overseas holiday this year so moving to the other end accompanied with “where are we tonight?” seems like a nice alternative. We happily talk each other to sleep about where we are in the world… ” There is a great story, or series of stories, here…. Always a pleasure to read…

  3. Always entertaining. I felt your pain once.

    I’ve disliked beds since my early teen years. So, it wasn’t hard for me to tell my ex-girlfriend that I would be more comfortable lying on the floor. Dual blankets solved the issue of her stealing mine during the night; rightly so.

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