Dear Olympic Tourist,
Firstly, Thank you for visiting England and London for the Olympics, frankly, our economy can use all the help that it can get. I wanted to take this opportunity to apologise in advance for some interesting quirks that the onset of what will be a brief period of sunshine does to the English, Irish, Welsh and Scots. Yes, there is more than one country that makes up the British Isles.
You may, as we are experiencing the first patch of sunlight in some time, see some or all of the following during your stay:
- Men not wearing shirts with a blue skin tone.
- Men wearing sandals and socks
- Drunk people because the sun is out
- Drunk people because of the Olympics
- Drunk people who got drunk because they don’t like the Olympics
- Horrendous customer service
- Over-priced souvenirs in the shape of London Buses, Telephone Boxes etc… P.S These only exist in London.
- If venturing outside the capital in England to exotic places such as Newcastle, Manchester, Leeds, and Sheffield etc. You may notice that the women have a wee bit less on than they potentially should have or think that a pink tutu and eighties fluorescents are back in – They aren’t these are an ironic tempt at humour by women who are betrothed.
- These cities are also not hosting super-heroes conventions – this is the male alternative.
Forgive us; we are not usually like this. Try and remember that we have thousands of years of history and take our unusual quirks in your stride. You may also want to learn how to queue before attempting entry into our country as things can get ugly if you push in. We also apologise a lot for things that are not our fault.
Just remember that London isn’t Great Britain and all should be well. I thoroughly recommend getting out of London if possible
Though not to Essex, the orange aliens will scare you.
So, sorry, and welcome, we look forward to your visit.
An Embarrassed Brit.